I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
