I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
