I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
