I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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