Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
