I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
