I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
