He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
