His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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