you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
