he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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