During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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