saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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