i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
