She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
