I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
