I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
