My first STD was from a foam party
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
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