At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
