his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
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