Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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