Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
