it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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