the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I smell like Dick and happiness
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
