people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
