I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
