I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
