There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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