shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
