her vagina looked like bernie madoff
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
