I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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