I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Umm I'm too high to move.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
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