It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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