I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize