Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
