if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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