He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
