my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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