thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
