similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
