I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
