BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
