...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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