So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
