tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
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