So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Still dying that you shit outside
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
