Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just cut my nipple shaving
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
