oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
