Old men and throwing up are my life now.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
