Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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