Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
