you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I AM VODKA MAN
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
