apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
