i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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