i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
