I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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