oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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