Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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