im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
