We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
