Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize