you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
