How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
