I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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