shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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