There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize