i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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