I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
