Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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