They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
