What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
She announced her abortion via fbk
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
