I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
