my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
