I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize