conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Randomize
