If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
