When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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