Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
