he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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