I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
