why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
