how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
