why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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