Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
