Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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