we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
