well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
