walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
