i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
