the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
